Mine is a family of fixers. I have noticed that, if I walk into a room at a family gathering, someone wants to fix a problem for me. Most often food-related. “Have you had lunch? We have food and drinks and all these snacks. Here, sit down and rest a while.” These are very kind people.
Our extended Wichita Family Promise family members are generous like this. Because we are compassionate people, we like to fix. If you ask for help moving, a ride to the airport, or some pants hemmed, you are likely to get some help.
If you ask for clothing donations or toys for kids, watch out because WE SHOW UP. Thank you for this model of generosity.
Once we have met crucial and urgent needs for a family, we’re starting to think in new ways about the next helping steps we take.
This is hard.
Because of this desire to FIX IT, where it = any problem we see another person facing, it is very, very difficult for us to let people fix it on their own.
Especially if those people are in a homeless crisis.
Let me be clear – we are not backing down from our relentless pursuit of sustainable independence. But we ARE looking for more ways to empower families to pursue it for themselves.
This is the key principle of the book When Helping Hurts (please read it!):
We do not do for people what they can do for themselves.
This is a form of compassion that may be new to you. But beyond the initial rescue in a crisis, this concept maintains dignity and the right to self-determination for every person. It allows a mom or dad to be the provider for the family. We are not the long-term providers.
We want to think through every action we take and whether it’s a temporary solution or leads to long-term success for the family. This allows us to truly do life WITH our guest families, encouraging them and cheering them along the way.
Fixing it all ourselves just masks the problem, pushes the symptoms away. Walking with families who want to find their own solutions, we have the honor to see lives being changed and problems being solved at the source.
So please stay engaged and in conversation with us. We are still learning how to help without hurting, and we certainly want to learn from and with you too.
By Katy Penner, Interim Director/Board PR Chair
Family Promise of Greater Wichita unites hearts and hands to provide compassionate hospitality and empower homeless families with children to achieve sustainable independence. We are a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization. All donations are tax-deductible.
